Jealousy made me do it.

I felt the jealousy bug creep up, hard.

A few of my friends, the rockstars that they are, got involved in writing for amazing blogs, being a guest on podcasts, and guest speaking at other churches. I'm so proud of all of them for stepping out and saying yes, especially when I keep hearing how outside of their comfort zone it is.

These are all in my comfort zone - videos, writing, podcasting (huge dream of mine) - I love all of these avenues to talk and teach and encourage people to live the life God has called them to live. While I do have some really amazing opportunities, I couldn't help but watch my people and see their opportunities, thinking mine were somehow no longer good enough.

I let jealousy creep in.

We all do it, look at the other side and see your neighbor's grass may not even be greener, but it's different, and you think "shoooooot, I'm doing something wrong, my grass doesn't look like theirs!", when in reality, God didn't ask you to plant the same seed, He asked you to plant your seed - the one He gave you, the one with the grace and anointing attached to it.

I can look at my friend's living out their purpose and celebrate them, or I can use it as motivation to feel bad for myself.

Feeling bad for myself is super easy to do, I bet you'd agree it's the easiest party you throw yourself - a giant pity party that allows you to sit, wallow, and whine. You know what those parties don't call for? Doing. We sit and sulk and gossip or let this weird scarcity mindset take over because if so-and-so is doing this, that means I can't.

I call crap on that.

We get to walk in freedom, with more in mind because Jesus is our source - the neverending well of gifts and resources when we utilize them for Him. Your friend or family or that stranger on Instagram doing something you have a passion for and would love to do does not disqualify you from creating, starting, doing. In fact, people doing something in the lane you're interested in pursuing are people to learn from and partner with (not copy); they've begun pioneering a path and making some mistakes that you may not have to. There is always failure and something you will have to learn through your own mistakes, but that person doing that thing? They've gone before you. Celebrate that.

When we're out doing things that Jesus asks us to do, He doesn't call us into overcrowded spaces with everyone having the exact same story, asking us to compete with one another. God isn't too excited about comparison - His word tells us to fix our gaze on Jesus, the perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2) - not his faith or her faith or their faith - your eyes, on Jesus, perfecting your faith. Fixing your gaze and allowing focus to go anywhere else means you're asking them to perfect your faith - and that's some weird territory to want claim of.

Jealousy just means we've focused on someone else in a weird way, forgot who we are, and took residence in Scarcity land - a barren place full of pity parties and not much else. But the Kingdom doesn't operate in scarcity, God operates in abundance. There is room for everyone, yes, you, to move in the way God calls and asks. When He asks? He makes a way, He provides the space, He gives you the words or the talent or the compassion or whatever good thing you need to move forward. What He wants? Your yes.

I have opportunities laying at my feet but let's be real guys, I got lazy. I wish I had a more in depth or spiritual response, but what it comes down to, cutting out all the lies in my head, is I was lazy because my own path didn't look as flashy. When God calls you to pioneer things, the ultimate provider will sometimes hand you a machete, and ask you to clear a path with Him. I didn't want to do the clearing - it's hard work, it takes time and rejection and creativity that my heart doesn't feel like it can handle at times, and yet the jealousy that creeped up in my heart proved to me that I have a desire, an unmet need.

We can either create a barrier with our people or we can be a support system for them. We can allow a fragment in the relationship, or we can take a look at our own situation and use the green monster for motivation to pick up the machete and get back to clearing.

Me? I decided to pick up the machete again, and part of that involves writing consistently. There are thousands upon thousands of people doing the things I want to do - the only difference between them and I? They have been doing the work. People still need to get free and meet Jesus in new ways. Jesus is on the move in the land and I'm going to move with Him and drag y'all with me as we learn what this life has in store for us. Jesus has more - there has to be more than the days we're living right now - and I'm interested in opening those doors to see what that looks like.

I can either throw that pity party, or I can move forward with God, breaking chains He asked me to break. I've never been one comfortable telling God no, so here we go.

Hi! If you're new here, let me introduce myself after a long hiatus! You'll learn quickly, I really love Jesus. I'm a 30-something wife married for 8 years, and foster mama living in Oregon. I'm a textbook Enneagram 4, and have a passion for anything that involves words - reading, writing, and speaking - and do all of those things often. I speak at a quarterly event at my church some friends and I started, and found my absolute love for helping people know more of who Jesus is and get set free from the stuff that doesn't need to be holding them back. Thanks for hanging out with me today!


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